would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
