Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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