I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
