I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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