Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
