why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
