All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
