Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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