My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
