I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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