you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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