I didn't shave. On purpose
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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