He is an equal opportunity slut.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
