You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
