im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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