I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
