Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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