That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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