Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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