What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Farmville is her only friend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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