i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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