I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
