Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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