I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
