Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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