How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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