yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
