Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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