Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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