anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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