I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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