she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you didnt know i had herpes?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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