Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
