We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
