I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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