my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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