So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
