okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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