As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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