i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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