HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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