Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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