this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I deserve this hangover.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
