worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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