Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
