It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
