Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
