He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
