Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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