Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
