I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
