just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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