I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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