omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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