Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
