I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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