a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
