I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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